HOW D' YA LIKE THEM APPLES?
HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? -- Or, things you might have said to Eve had she tricked you into eating the apple --Copyright by
2004. All rights reserved.There are a few things that you might be tempted to say, if you had the chance, (especially if you're a fly on a wall in the proverbial "Garden of Eden").Speaking of flies, here are some choice lines you wish Adam might have told Eve before chomping into that fateful apple on what appears to have been another perfectly twee day in paradise.-- I don't do "bobbing for apples"!-- Let's share the guilt.-- You know I hate "Little green apples in the summertime", so play something else!-- Before we get down to business -- when was your last dental check-up?-- Not now, I'm busy killing the bugs, worms, and Trojan Horses in my frigging PC.-- I can't imagine why you think I'd want to read your new diet book, "How to Be Happy on 500 Calories or Less a Day ? Lessons From A Tart With A Heart".-- If eating an apple a day keeps the doctor away, I wonder if eating a hippo will keep the taxman off our backs?-- Maybe Martha Stewart can send us her favorite applesauce recipe from the slammer.-- I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Johnny Appleseed" doesn't live here!-- If an apple doesn't fall far from the tree, would you mind picking it up because my back's killing me.-- My interior decorator says "apples and oranges don't mix" ? so how about a putrid pink grapefruit with a splash of yucky lime?-- If money grows on trees, how come all we get are a bunch of rotten apple investment certificates?-- Let me get this straight, if I bite into that apple, I can play "Devil's Advocate" for a day?-- I'm tired of being "touched by an angel", can we try something spooky for a change?-- If I'd wanted to play "snakes and ladders", I'd have married a social-climbing serpent!-- Wow, it's another episode of "Desperate Housewives in Paradise" -- do you mind if I sit down and watch?-- Okay honeybun, where'd you put my "Get Out of Jail Free Card" anyway?-- Look at it this way, if God had wanted me to bite into that apple, he wouldn't have given me dentures!-- I don't polish apples for anyone, and that includes you!-- Why don't you put that apple on your head, while I find my plucky bow and trusty arrow.-- What could be more rewarding than biting a few biscuits, dust bunnies, or speeding bullets? -- Perhaps you could read one more chapter from my favorite pillow book, "The Boo Hoo Bible: The Neo American Church Catechism" by Art Kleps -- before we retire for the night. -- Listen, being President of a meat-eating country means you don't have to eat broccoli, sprouts or apples for that matter!-- Hey, I know Popeye eats spinach to make him big and strong, but are you sure that munching on bag of apples will make me a Wicked Witch to be reckoned with?.
A Few Things Everyone Should Know About Disability
[NOTE: This article is on a niche consumer topic. It has nothing to do with business, marketing or opportunities. As far as I know, this area isn't restricted to just business/marketing articles, so I'm posting this. If I'm wrong, please remove this and let me know.Thanks!- Kathy]This article is completely free to republish and distribute in any form other than unsolicited spam email. Minor adjustments/editing is allowed if needed.
You may also change the headline/title if you'd like. Please be sure to make the URLs at the bottom live.NOTE: Only this article excerpt is allowed to be published and distributed. You must link to the rest of the report. The report itself cannot be republished or distributed in full.-------- start article ----------Did you know? One year of disability can wipe out 10 year's worth of savings.Other interesting things to know about disability:- 7 out of 10 people between the ages of 35 and 65 become disabled for three months or longer.- The average length...
A Few Things Everyone Should Know About Disability
Ladders > A Few Things Everyone Should Know About Disability
I Want a Cold!
"Honey, can I have a cup of lemon tea," my wife asked me the other day. Normally, my wife doesn't ask me to do anything, knowing my laziness has no bounds. But my wife had a cold - a very bad cold. For most illnesses, my wife would just "suck it up" and get her cute little behind out of bed, fully realizing that nothing would get done around the house without her. But today, she was lingering beneath the bed covers.
That's how I knew she was really sick.My wife is tougher than Randall "Tex" Cobb on his best day (and for those of you who don't know who Randall "Tex" Cobb is - shame on you!). Her finely developed sense of martyrdom compels her to force herself into activity, even in the face of the killer cold. Being the caring husband that I am (and not wanting her germs spread through the entire house), I suggested she stay in bed.So, even though it was a Sunday, which is a very inconvenient day for her to be sick (because I usually park my large, ugly behind on my favorite chair...
I Want a Cold!
Ladders > I Want a Cold!
How to Modify Your Landscaping to Protect Your House from Burglars
Believe it or not, landscaping can be an important part of a good home security plan. A burglar who is "casing the joint" from the street will choose the house with tall shrubs and trees that provide hiding places. Homes with little or no outdoor lighting are preferred targets as well.So, how can you landscape to protect against burglars while still creating an aesthetically pleasing yard? Here are a few tips:You don't need to eliminate trees, but keep them trimmed back from your house; tree branches can be used as a ladder if they are next to a window or skylight.Mow your lawn regularly; an unkempt lawn can suggest to a thief that the owners are away on a trip.Store ladders, lawn chairs, and picnic tables out of sight lest they be used as a means to reach high windows.Trim back shrubs growing near doors and walkways, keeping them 3 feet or shorter in height. Also, don't allow shrubs to block any of your windows.Adding gravel under windows makes for noisy footing for would-be thieves.Consider...
How to Modify Your Landscaping to Protect Your House from Burglars
Ladders > How to Modify Your Landscaping to Protect Your House from Burglars
Faux Wood Mini Blinds
Though wood blinds and shutters are the most popular window coverings sold in America, these two products are among the most expensive. Faux wood Blinds offer nature's rich, subtle colors and unique textures at a fraction of the cost of real wood shutters. Moreover, wood does not last long in high moisture areas. Manufacturers have introduced quality alternatives to wood blinds in the form of faux wood blinds.
Faux wood blinds are made of vinyl, vinyl compounds, and a combination of wood and vinyl. The wood look-alikes are either a wood-polymer mix or 100-percent polymer.
Since these use vinyl for at least a portion of their slats they have two inherent advantages to wood blinds: they cost less, and they resist moisture.
All of the faux wood blinds require more ladders than wood blinds. The sturdier the blind, the farther apart the ladders can be placed and therefore will require fewer ladders.
Many interior designers favor faux wood...
Ladders > Faux Wood Mini Blinds
Play time: Fun time, learning time, bonding time!
Copyright 2006 Living Your Best Life
I'm sure you've experience this parenting dilemma. The sun is shining and it's a beautiful, hot day. Your daughter or son is begging you to take him or her to the park but there is a pile of washing in the laundry basket, a stack of dishes in the sink and countless other chores. On the one hand you want to spend quality time with your child but on the other hand the housework has to be tackled. What is a parent to do after all play is just play or is it? In this article I will explain, that children learn through play, different types of play and their value, how play helps the development of a person from babies into adulthood and finally, how playing with your child is an opportunity for bonding, learning and fun.
What do children learn through play?
Why is play vital and why should it be encouraged? Children it is the main way that children learn, in fact for children play is work.
Play helps children...
Play time: Fun time, learning time, bonding time!
Ladders > Play time: Fun time, learning time, bonding time!
How To Build A Patio Cover
If willing to experiment and build a Patio Cover, hammer out questions as to why you need a Patio Cover, for what purpose, whether it would be painted or made with wood, prefabricated aluminum or PVC, and if permission is required from state or city authorities. Remember that a patio is an extension of the house, generally not more than 12 feet and single-storied. The patio can be fully covered or have no cover. No special skills are required for building a Patio Cover except co-coordinating your patience, dimension of area, number of wood or aluminum panels and material required.
Begin with the necessary spade work according to weather conditions, area and usage of patio.
The next step is selecting material from a comprehensive range, including polycarb panels for high summer or winter temperatures, vinyl opaque all weather conditions, vinyl translucent and clear panels suitable for use in milder weather conditions, aluminum pan roof that is cool, durable and requiring...
How To Build A Patio Cover
Ladders > How To Build A Patio Cover
How To Build A Patio Cover
If willing to experiment and build a Patio Cover, hammer out questions as to why you need a Patio Cover, for what purpose, whether it would be painted or made with wood, prefabricated aluminum or PVC, and if permission is required from state or city authorities. Remember that a patio is an extension of the house, generally not more than 12 feet and single-storied. The patio can be fully covered or have no cover. No special skills are required for building a Patio Cover except co-coordinating your patience, dimension of area, number of wood or aluminum panels and material required.
Begin with the necessary spade work according to weather conditions, area and usage of patio.
The next step is selecting material from a comprehensive range, including polycarb panels for high summer or winter temperatures, vinyl opaque all weather conditions, vinyl translucent and clear panels suitable for use in milder weather conditions, aluminum pan roof that is cool, durable and requiring...
How To Build A Patio Cover
Ladders > How To Build A Patio Cover
Ladders
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